A lot of things haven’t been going right as of lately. Last weekend, I had an extremely bad cold. This weekend, I went to get my ears washed out. Well, as it turns out, all it left me with was one good ear, and one ear that’s been a pain since Saturday. For the last two days, I’ve had some extremely bad headaches, not to mention the ear pain I’ve been feeling. It’s felt like I’ve been going insane. I didn’t know it was possible to hurt THIS bad. I’ve been going weak, and dizzy, and the most pathetic part is that I have to wait another week before I can get the left ear washed out again. It’s pain that I’ve never felt before. All because there’s a barrier of earwax, that my ear produces too much of.
All this has taught me is that things can get so much worse. And they did. Stress increased, and I’ve just been unable to function correctly. And the only person I can turn to is myself. Because I’m trapped in my house by myself, and the only person who can feel the pain I’m feeling is myself. And the only person who seems to be the most forgiving is myself. And the only person who I’m with at the end of the day, is myself. And all I can do, is sit here, and hope that the pain goes away. Which it won’t. It won’t until it’s cleaned out. And that’s what’s adding on to every other shit I have, including presentations and assignments that I have to focus on but can’t, because I’m just in too much god damn pain.
And to think, I was just fine, and even feeling a little better, thinking I was going hear without any problems. The moment I don’t doubt something, is the time it goes horribly wrong. And you know, this isn’t a big deal, but you don’t know how that feels. You don’t know how it feels, when a doctor doesn’t want to tell YOU to come back in a week and has to tell your dad because he KNOWS it’s going to be a painful fucking week.
So now I have an earache, unbearable migraines, a cold sore, a sore throat, coughs, and can’t even eat properly because the antibiotics are messing me up.
I just want to throw myself out of a window. I think I’d be happier that way, because I wouldn’t know what being miserable would be like. I wouldn’t feel anything anymore.
I can’t tolerate anymore pain.
but whatever, i just needed to rant because nobody else has talked to me for the past two weekends and that’s just fucking fine. i can’t wait to get the fuck out of this fucked up town.
